What is spiritual presencing?
“Of all those who ever consulted me who were in the second half of life, no one was ever cured who did not achieve a spiritual outlook on life.” - Carl Jung
Hello! My name is Douglas Tsoi and I offer spiritual presencing, traditionally called in the Christian contemplative tradition “spiritual direction.” It is the practice of attentive, confidental, and delighted listening. People come to spiritual direction once a month, for an hour to retreat from the busyness of the world and explore their own spiritual experiences, questions, and concerns.
As a spiritual director, I am a professional “soul friend,” an anam cara. I ask open-ended questions, and offer insights and suggestions to help you discern your spiritual path. This hour is time to nurture your inner wisdom, cultivate spiritual curiosity, and foster a greater sense of purpose and fulfillment.
I work with people who understand the inseparable nature of psychological and spiritual health. Toward the end of his career, the great psychologist Carl Jung said that he did not have a single patient older than 35 whose mental problems weren’t actually spiritual. Spiritual presencing helps you connect more deeply to That which is within you, whether you call it God, the Universe, Source, Inner Christ, the True Self, the Inner Light, or your Buddha Nature. And Thou art That, Tat Tvam Asi.
I love offering spiritual direction because I’ve found listening to people as they pay attention to their spiritual lives is a spiritual experience in and of itself. Your spiritual discovery is a privilege to behold.
Infinite paths, one destination
“What is going on in your innermost being is worthy of your whole love.” - Rilke
I typically serve the “spiritual, not religious,” people who want to explore a deinstitutionalized path to the sacred in themselves. They desire more than the superficiality of modern culture without necessarily relying on church dogma or doctrine.
At some point, you may sense something deeper in you that can’t be met with psychological explanations or philosophical ideas. If you’re trying to connect to that ineffable Whisper of transcendent meaning, I invite you to come sit in silence with me and see what happens. If you’re trying to create an authentic and personal spirituality of living in the everyday world, in all its messiness, I invite you to try it.
There is a divine truth about Yourself
“There is a voice that doesn’t use words. Listen.” - Rumi
Religious traditions have different names for it: Soul, Inner Teacher, Great Spirit, Inner Light, God, Atman, True Self. Within you is a still, small voice whispering a deeper wholeness and coherence in your life. But nothing is sacred until you give it attention. As a spiritual director, I am relatively unafraid of life with all its light and darkness, all its mystery. Spiritual direction is taking the time, simply and mindfully, to listen and embrace all within you: grief, disappointment, and pain, as well as hope, faith, and joy.
In spiritual presencing, you receive that still, small voice. The search for God and the search for our deepest selves is the same search. The tools of the trade are questions and silence, presence and listening. It’s a simple, life-affirming practice.
“When all of you is present, the banquet will begin.” - Richard Rohr
I already do therapy or coaching. How is this different?
“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” - Anne Lamott
As a spiritual director, I have no agenda for your improvement or reform. I don’t give advice and won’t help you solve your problems. Instead, I am there to help you foster a deeper awareness of the sacred in your life and find yourself in the everpresent Now.
Spiritual direction isn’t therapy and is not a substitute for therapy. The valid goal in therapy (or coaching) is to try to heal dysfunction or function better. In spiritual direction, there’s no trying. There’s nowhere to go, nothing to fix, nothing to change. Instead, we sit and allow a deeper awareness of everything alive within you.
“I was born when all I once feared I could love.” - Rabia of Basra
We spend so much of our lives under a hidden agenda of trying to be loved. So much striving, pleasing, and achieving to alleviate our self-doubt, or shore up our facade. To paraphrase the Irish poet Galway Kinnel, spiritual direction is reteaching yourself of your own belovedness, even the parts held in shadow, beyond your ego’s gaze.
Jesus said the kingdom of God is within you. Buddha taught that the enlightenment (“in-light”) is already within you. Belinda Carlisle sang, “Ooh heaven is a place on earth.” There’s no nirvana to reach, no final awakening to achieve. The practice of spiritual direction is to become more alive: to see and relate to the world, and ourselves, more sufficiently, creatively, and graciously.
The religious quest is not about discovering 'the truth' or 'the meaning of life' but about living as intensely as possible here and now . . . not to 'get into heaven' but to discover how to be fully human. - Karen Armstrong.
The world, and your life, is our field of practice.
Testimonials
“From the very start, my spiritual direction sessions with Douglas have felt like conversations with an old friend who is compassionate, humble, funny, challenging and insightful. Douglas’ knack for asking the right question at the right time has given me new perspectives on myself and my relationships to others and to the world. What I love most about Douglas’ special (and considerable) wisdom, is that it never feels like he’s “imparting” it — rather, I have the sense of co-creating and discovering with him.”
— / R.B., OAKLAND, CA /
“Douglas has helped me to understand my transition from life-long atheist to spiritual human being. He is a living example of following the call of one’s life.”
— / T.H., DALLAS, TX /
Rates
As part of my Service to you, you are free to gift me any amount that feels good, right, and fair to you. In other words, choose a rate that would make you feel alive and grateful, that reflects both your financial means and your desire for spiritual development. Deciding what you pay may be more important than the amount you pay. Find a rate that gives you a sense of grace for both you and me.
Buddhist nun Mushim Ikeda, explains dana, the Buddhist method of exchange:
According to tradition in Asian countries, the teachings of the Buddha, including instruction in meditation, are offered freely without a price tag attached to them. This is because these teachings are considered to be priceless. Dharma teachings and practices have the potential to increase happiness and contentment and to decrease anger, fear, stress, and dissatisfaction. At their deepest level, they are considered to open profound paths of insight into the nature of reality, the self, and the mysteries of life and death. Those receiving the gift of a teacher’s personal guidance, or upon being moved by a teacher’s written or spoken teachings, traditionally wish to help sustain the teacher through the practice of generous giving, or Dana. A more contemporary way of understanding this relationship would be to say that Mushim offers Buddhist teachings on a gift economics basis.
In Buddhist practice, giving from the heart not only supports teachers, it supports your own spiritual practice in accepting gratitude and enoughness. On the other side, when Buddhist nuns and monks teach in dana, they are practicing offering from this place of grace, from the heart, from an unquenchable desire to give. In their free offer, they practice trusting grace will come back. I would like my spiritual direction practice to be the same.
In offering to let you choose what you’d like to offer, I hope we feel a reciprocal exchange of gratitude, a recognition that both live in the gift from each other. My Venmo is @douglas-tsoi.
OK, right. But give me concrete guidance
How much would I offer for other, roughly equivalent things in my life, like a coach or mental health therapist? How do I value spiritual health to professional development or mental health?
Does that amount bring up any thoughts or feelings? Does it feel alive? Stay mindful of how your feelings change over time. You can always change what you offer.
The ‘official’ hourly rate for Unitarian Universalist ministers providing "other services" (e.g. spiritual care other than weddings or preaching) is $135/hr. Consider where you are in relation to the economic structures we live in. Do you earn more or less than the average American? What are your other financial commitments and burdens compared to the average American?
Dogen-zenji said, “To give is nonattachment.” That is, just not to attach to anything is to give. It does not matter what is given. To give a penny or a piece of leaf is dana prajna paramita; to give one line, or even one word of teaching is dana prajna paramita. If given in the spirit of nonattachment, the material offering and the teaching offering have the same value. With the right spirit, all that we do, all that we create is dana prajna paramita. - Shunryu Suzuki, Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind